Great tips and advice for when dealing with the world.

16 ways to stop those irritating tele-marketing calls!

1) After the telemarketer finishes speaking, ask him/her to marry you.

2) Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment, and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back.

3) Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

4) Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

5) Tell them that all business goes through your agent, and hand the phone to your five year old child.

6) Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up...louder...louder...louder!

7) Tell them to speak very slowly because you want to write every word down.

8) If they start out with, "How are you today?",say "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems............"

9) Cry out in surprise, "Helen, is that you? I've been hoping you'd call! How is the family?" When they insist they are not Helen, tell them to stop joking. This works especially well if the telemarketer is really MALE.

10) Tell the HSBC call center guy to call on your office number - and give him the ICICI call center number.

11) If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

12) Say "no" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

13) If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

14)If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

15) Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

16) When the salesperson asks, "Is this the homeowner?" say, "Is this the salesperson?" And when they say, "Yes," hang up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5z4Vs26-TI

ahahah.

LOL

Tell them that all business goes through your agent, and hand the phone to your five year old child.

ROFL... this one is funny:D

Basically post anything like advice or handy tips that you come across that may help; doesn't have to do with this stuff I got called by two tele-marketers within about 10min the other day... so I looked up what I could say to piss them off.

What I have done in the past, as I'm too nice to tell em to fk off. Is, go along with it, but when it gets to - are you over 18 part - I tell them I'm 17, and sick, thats why I'm home from school. Or if they assume, I'm 18 (he goes, where do you take your family on holidays) - hence, i dunno where ever my family wants to go. dad usually chooses.

This chick one time goes after I had gone along with it, then cut the I'm 17. She goes your voice is so deep. You're definately over 18. hah said nah, I've got a sore throat then hung up.

http://www.gilaizen.com/images/kmart.gif

"-It's those voices again!"

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_soundboards/h ... dboard.htm

this stops em cold

Drinking stories that put yours to shame

http://edition.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/wayo ... index.html

My favourite.

5. Indian elephants raid the liquor cabinet

No wonder they don't sell beer at the circus. Apparently, elephants like to get wasted. In fact, an outpost of the Indian army in the jungle region of Bagdogra has been under attack ever since a local herd of elephants raided the base in search of food and discovered the soldiers' entire winter rations of rum.

Since then, the pachyderms have regularly raided the base for a drink and have smashed down all defenses put up by the army, including electrified fences and firewalls.

According to The Daily Telegraph, "An officer recently posted there explained that the elephants broke the rum bottles by cleverly curling their trunks around the bottom. Then they empty the contents down their throats. They soon got drunk, he said, and swayed around. They enjoy themselves and then return to the jungle."

This is by no means a singular incident, though. The animal kingdom is well-known for its ability to identify fruit that's begun to ferment. Anthropologists even believe this is how early man discovered alcohol -- by observing the strange behavior of animals on a fruit bender.

hahah

[M A F I A]

http://www.shortnews.com

Check this site out, it always has funny news from the world, such as this:

Man Buried With Mobile Phone, Family Dig Him Up So They Can Put His SIM Card In


Serbia: The family of Arso Banjeglav have been forced to dig him up to comply with his dying wish. On his death bed, the phone obsessed 67-year-old told his son Brano that he wanted to be buried with his phone.

The family dutifully placed the phone in his coffin with him but discovered after the interment that the SIM card was in the hands of a family child, not in the phone.

"We put the phone in the coffin as he wanted, but my 10-year-old son had been playing with it and had taken the card out without my knowledge. So now we have got to dig him up again to put it in the phone," said Brano.