Funnies

SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the
glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every
envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same
reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl
(Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if
I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch
the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping
gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make
these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans .

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes
cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the
microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for
life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with
a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are
actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support
our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda, Singapore , and Uzbekistan

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now
have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big
brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death
when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00
dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex
molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain
gas companies!

Have a wonderful day....

Oh, by the way....

A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study,
has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their
Spacefed posts with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

That south american scientist is wrong. I scroll through Spacefed posts with my dick on the mouse.
lol kiddin* edit.

sys you have a problem and I think you need to see a specalist....

And vet did you know that using your shouldn't get milkshakes or mayo from any fast food places just in case someone has decided to ejaculate in the mix and give you VD or something similar or worse

VD... How nice :D:

Nice post their vet

like the mouth thingy

A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study,
has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their
Spacefed posts with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

really couldnt stop laughing lol... nice post you got there mate